Head of the Class

March 1985

G.I. Joe #33

Time for more classifieds – another grab bag of randomness! As always, we’ve got lots and lots of comics for sale, with a few other things thrown in too.

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My favorite things here? 1) The fact that they’re advertising a hypnosis program as a “mental survival kit,” and 2) The disclaimer on the brass knuckle belt buckle: “Novelty purposes only – not intended for other uses.” 😉

Classifieds – Helping You Become a Tall, Fat Accountant

December 1972

Jungle Action #2

So when I first read “Rover and men on the Moon,” I took “Rover” to be a dog’s name, and assumed that the book would be something insanely awesome and/or cheesy. Alas, I now realize that they probably mean the type of vehicle instead, which is still cool, but not nearly as odd/exciting for me.

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And I’m curious to know the secret behind “BE TALLER!” – unless they’re selling platform shoes, I kind of doubt the validity of their claim.

I also like the fact that there’s a classified ad that is advertising methods for writing classified ads – it’s so meta!

Put a Stamp on It!

December 1972

Jungle Action #2

Stamp collecting is a time-honored hobby, but apparently it was really big with comic book nerds in the ’70s, because the entire right column of this classifieds page is devoted to stamp collecting!

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I also like the “PLAY GUITAR IN 7 DAYS OR MONEY BACK” – sure, but it doesn’t say anything about how well you’ll be able to play guitar in that amount of time!

The Oh-So-Classy Classifieds

December 1989

Wonder Woman #37

Classifieds provide a smorgasbord  of cheesiness – they’re the cheapest advertising that money can buy in comics, meaning that they’re usually the lowest quality… which also means they can sometimes be the most entertaining!

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I think my favorite on here is the “Live Chameleon FREE!” ad (of course, the lizard is only free if you buy a six-month supply of food). Though the “!!GET ALL THE GIRLS!!  !!BECOME RICH & POPULAR!!  * ONLY $3.95 *” is pretty great – for only $3.95, how could you afford not to order??