Manly Muscly Muscles!

January 1978

The Secret Society of Super-Villains

It sure seems like guys in the ’70s were obsessed with muscles… or at least advertisers wanted guys in the ’70s to be obsessed with muscles! Here is yet another system where you can quickly and easily build yourself the body of your (and, of course, girls’) dreams!

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“Imaging” [Um, I think that’s supposed to be “Imagine.”] “walking through your local beach or neighborhood swimming area… friends noticing your Titanic Legs,” [So, legs that fail and sink to the bottom of the ocean?] “your Wide Manly Shoulders,” [Just how wide do shoulders have to be in order to be considered “manly”?] “Rock Hard Stomach Muscles,” [Whew! for a second there I thought they were heading south of the belly button, if ya know what I mean!] “and last but not least, your full High-peaked Biceps” [Is that something that people are actually impressed by? I never knew bicep peaks were a thing…] “that attract second glances from all!” [Because you look like a ‘roid freak!]

So, who do you think would win in a fight: the guy from this ad, Charles Atlas, or Joe Weider?

 

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I Heart (Foil Stamp) You!

January 1978

The Secret Society of Super-Villains #12

It’s another round of classifieds! There are a few interesting ones in here, but let’s start with “See Miracle of Birth.” First of all, those words seem very out of place in any comic book ad. Secondly, they’re advertising an incubator with bird eggs, but all of the emphasis is on watching the chicks hatch, with absolutely no mention whatsoever of the fact that you then have five or six (depending on which part of the ad you believe) little baby birds that need to be taken care of. Seems kind of irresponsible to me…

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In other ads, I like the “OWN A PIECE OF NEW MEXICO OIL COUNTRY”… based in Iowa. And I also like “ELIMINATE DEBTS!”… by sending 35¢ to some address in Ohio – I think the first step in eliminating debt would be to stop sending money to vague classified ads from comic books!

 

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That Information Is… CLASSIFIED!

January 1978

The Secret Society of Super-Villains #12

It’s been a while since I’ve done a classified page, so here you go! I’m actually kind of surprised to see X-Ray Spex in 1978 – for some reason I thought that was more of a ’50s/’60s thing (but apparently I was mistaken on that).

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I think probably my favorite “WTF” ad on this page is: “PARENTS bug you? Try Ego Power! Send $7 for instructions” – ummm… OK… With a (lack of) description like that, it makes me wonder if anybody actually took the bait! (And if any of you out there actually did, then please let me know what this is all about!)

 

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Don’t Use Your Karate Skills on the Seahorses!

February 1976

Claw The Unconquered #5

It’s another random grab bag of mini ads!

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The one that strikes me the most here is the one for live seahorses – they’ll send you two “freshly caught” mated pairs, with at least one pregnant. OK, I have two main thoughts on this:

  1. Sending live, pregnant seahorses through the mail seems like it would be prohibitively difficult/risky.
  2. Capturing seahorses from the wild and then sending them through the mail seems rather cruel… and seems like it should be illegal.

At least Sea Monkeys are in a type of suspended animation when they’re shipped, but live, conscious animals is a whole different story!

 

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Put a Stamp on It!

December 1972

Jungle Action #2

Stamp collecting is a time-honored hobby, but apparently it was really big with comic book nerds in the ’70s, because the entire right column of this classifieds page is devoted to stamp collecting!

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I also like the “PLAY GUITAR IN 7 DAYS OR MONEY BACK” – sure, but it doesn’t say anything about how well you’ll be able to play guitar in that amount of time!

 

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Don’t Be Half A Man! Thanks to Charles Atlas

December 1972

Jungle Action #2

This one ranks right up there with Sea-Monkeys in terms of just how classic it is – Charles Atlas!

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Yes, you too can get a body like that in only 15 minutes a day! And then you can beat up bullies on the beach and all the girls will like you! It’s all so simple, right?

I love how on the form where you can check off your interests, in addition to the standard bodybuilding stuff, there’s also “magnetic personality” – I guess maybe they send exercises for your brain too?

 

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