Manly Muscly Muscles!

January 1978

The Secret Society of Super-Villains

It sure seems like guys in the ’70s were obsessed with muscles… or at least advertisers wanted guys in the ’70s to be obsessed with muscles! Here is yet another system where you can quickly and easily build yourself the body of your (and, of course, girls’) dreams!

“Imaging” [Um, I think that’s supposed to be “Imagine.”] “walking through your local beach or neighborhood swimming area… friends noticing your Titanic Legs,” [So, legs that fail and sink to the bottom of the ocean?] “your Wide Manly Shoulders,” [Just how wide do shoulders have to be in order to be considered “manly”?] “Rock Hard Stomach Muscles,” [Whew! for a second there I thought they were heading south of the belly button, if ya know what I mean!] “and last but not least, your full High-peaked Biceps” [Is that something that people are actually impressed by? I never knew bicep peaks were a thing…] “that attract second glances from all!” [Because you look like a ‘roid freak!]

So, who do you think would win in a fight: the guy from this ad, Charles Atlas, or Joe Weider?

 

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Head of the Class

March 1985

G.I. Joe #33

Time for more classifieds – another grab bag of randomness! As always, we’ve got lots and lots of comics for sale, with a few other things thrown in too.

My favorite things here? 1) The fact that they’re advertising a hypnosis program as a “mental survival kit,” and 2) The disclaimer on the brass knuckle belt buckle: “Novelty purposes only – not intended for other uses.” 😉

Be POPULAR and WANTED!

September 1963

X-Men #1

Do you want the power to influence others and bend them to your will? If so, this is your lucky day, because apparently the solution is only $1.98!

Look, guys, you can hypnotize beautiful women! Just imagine the possibilities! But don’t worry, ladies – the order form has a checkbox saying “I agree that I will not use this power for other than proper use” – so no need to worry about date rape here!  (On second thought, maybe that checkbox determines whether they send you the regular version or (if the box isn’t checked) the supervillain version of the book.)

Back When People Actually REPAIRED Stuff

September 1963

X-Men #1

Wait a minute – what’s this about repairing broken TVs and radios? You don’t repair broken electronics, you just buy new ones!

Times have certainly changed! I wonder how many people are out there these days who could actually repair a TV – probably not a whole lot anymore!

Back When $25/Week Was a GOOD Thing

September 1963

X-Men #1

Ah, the good old days – back before cars had computers, and average Joes could fix cars themselves without having to spend a fortune on fancy equipment. It seems that back in the ’60s auto mechanics were in high demand, and could get pretty decent pay too!

I think my favorite part about this ad is the “Portable Viso-Analyzer,” available only through CTI. Based on the fact that I’ve never heard of it before, I’m going to guess that either calling it “the most versatile of all trouble-shooting instruments” is a bit of an exaggeration, or it’s just a fancy name for a multimeter.

 

That’s Too Conservative for Me…

December 1972

Jungle Action #2

In yet another ad trying to help you find your path in life, here we learn about the exciting world of conservation!

“Sleep under pines! Catch breakfast from icy streams!” Other than the words “sleep” and “breakfast,” there is absolutely nothing appealing about that to me, but I’m a weirdo who doesn’t particularly like the outdoors, so I guess I’m not exactly their target audience.

 

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Put a Stamp on It!

December 1972

Jungle Action #2

Stamp collecting is a time-honored hobby, but apparently it was really big with comic book nerds in the ’70s, because the entire right column of this classifieds page is devoted to stamp collecting!

I also like the “PLAY GUITAR IN 7 DAYS OR MONEY BACK” – sure, but it doesn’t say anything about how well you’ll be able to play guitar in that amount of time!

 

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Accident Investigation – Precursor to CSI?

December 1972

Jungle Action #2

How many times have you been sitting around reading comic books and thinking, “You know, I really wish I had a better career”? Well, comics can help with that! Here’s your introduction to the exciting and lucrative world of accident investigation!

Yes, even a lowly factory worker can do this, so that means you can too!

The thing that I wonder about, though, is when Jim mentions that it’s part of “the biggest business in the world” – since when has insurance been that big of a business?

Don’t Be Half A Man! Thanks to Charles Atlas

December 1972

Jungle Action #2

This one ranks right up there with Sea-Monkeys in terms of just how classic it is – Charles Atlas!

Yes, you too can get a body like that in only 15 minutes a day! And then you can beat up bullies on the beach and all the girls will like you! It’s all so simple, right?

I love how on the form where you can check off your interests, in addition to the standard bodybuilding stuff, there’s also “magnetic personality” – I guess maybe they send exercises for your brain too?

 

Do you enjoy reading Comic Book Ads? If so, please consider supporting me by clicking here for my Amazon link – I’ll get a percentage from everything you order! Thanks!