Kryptonite Rocks!!

August 1979

Shogun Warriors #7

If you’re a real friend of Superman, then you need the one thing that can defeat him!

Wait, what?

OK, so their logic is that friends of Superman should have all the Kryptonite in order to keep it out of the hands of those who would use it for evil. I guess that kind of makes sense.

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So am I the only one who’s wondering about amounts here? Nowhere in this ad does it say exactly how much you’re getting. Maybe it’s just me, but if I’m going to spend my hard-earned money on glowing rocks, I at least want to make sure I’m getting a lot of glowing rocks!

I like the checkbox where you can send $1 for a brochure – since this ad says nothing whatsoever about any other kind of product beyond glowing rocks, does that mean this catalog is just full of glowing rocks to choose from?

But my favorite part here? The tiny print at the bottom: “The above story is only fictional and is in no way to be confused with actual fact.” Well, damn – that just makes this whole thing a lot less exciting, doesn’t it?

 

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I’m Happy to Help Heroes!

January 1978

The Secret Society of Super-Villains #12

Yes! I’ll take all of it, please!!! Here we’ve got vintage ’70s DC action figures, along with a Barbie-style Wonder Woman doll, the four story Wayne Foundation, and the Batmobile with an exploding bridge! That’s a whole lot of fun and excitement packed into this page!

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I seem to remember, as a kid, there being a Barbie mansion that looked suspiciously similar to the Wayne Foundation pictured here – what do you wanna bet they just took the same toy and gave it a new cardboard backdrop?!

I’m guessing that a lot of you don’t recognize Isis, since she’s not a major DC character like most of the others. Well, a few years ago I stumbled across her TV show while flipping through the channels. My first thought was, “Wow, this is a total rip-off of Wonder Woman!” But it turns out that Isis was actually on TV first!

 

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You Can Subscribe… Just Not to This

January 1978

The Secret Society of Super-Villains #12

Yes, you can subscribe to your favorite DC comics! …But just not this one. At first I thought I must’ve just missed it in the listing, but no – Power Girl, the title that Superman himself is showing off here, is not on the list of available titles!

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This ad appeared not long before the “DC implosion,” where they canceled about 40% of their titles. In fact, here Amazing World of DC Comics is advertising issue #16 – well, #17 was the last ever published!

Also, this is the first time I’m noticing a subscription price that’s actually higher than the cover price!

 

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Manly Muscly Muscles!

January 1978

The Secret Society of Super-Villains

It sure seems like guys in the ’70s were obsessed with muscles… or at least advertisers wanted guys in the ’70s to be obsessed with muscles! Here is yet another system where you can quickly and easily build yourself the body of your (and, of course, girls’) dreams!

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“Imaging” [Um, I think that’s supposed to be “Imagine.”] “walking through your local beach or neighborhood swimming area… friends noticing your Titanic Legs,” [So, legs that fail and sink to the bottom of the ocean?] “your Wide Manly Shoulders,” [Just how wide do shoulders have to be in order to be considered “manly”?] “Rock Hard Stomach Muscles,” [Whew! for a second there I thought they were heading south of the belly button, if ya know what I mean!] “and last but not least, your full High-peaked Biceps” [Is that something that people are actually impressed by? I never knew bicep peaks were a thing…] “that attract second glances from all!” [Because you look like a ‘roid freak!]

So, who do you think would win in a fight: the guy from this ad, Charles Atlas, or Joe Weider?

 

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Big News?

January 1978

The Secret Society of Super-Villains #12

Big news! It’s the Huntress! And Shade, the Changing Man! Most of you probably know the Huntress as Helena Wayne (or Kyle), the daughter of Batman and Catwoman from an alternate universe.

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But what about Shade? I’d never heard of him before, which I was kind of surprised by – I mean, if he starred in his own series, he must’ve been at least somewhat of a big deal, right? Well, it turns out that this was an original character created by Steve Ditko (which is pretty cool), but his series only lasted eight issues (which is not so cool). Apparently Shade was a casualty of the “DC Implosion” where, due to financial troubles, DC canceled 40% of its titles! In fact, All-Star Comics and The Secret Society of Super-Villains (the comic this ad was printed in) also got the ax. 1978 must’ve been a sad time indeed for DC fans!

 

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First-Named Stars of the ’70s

January 1978

The Secret Society of Super-Villains #12

It’s posters of all of the hottest stars! … from 1978. Here we’ve got a set of five posters: Farrah Fawcett, John Travolta, Jaime Sommers, Steve Austin, and Donny & Marie Osmond – all for only $2! That’s right: You can get the Six Million Dollar Man for only $2 – actually, since you get five posters, that means the Six Million Dollar Man would only be 40¢! That’s more than 99.99% savings!

Or, if you’d prefer, you could also order the set of Kiss, the Hardy Boys, Grizzly Adams, Kristy McNichol, and Baretta.

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A couple things of note here: Of the actors, their real names are used for half and their characters’ names for the other half. That seems odd to me – I wonder why they did it that way? Maybe the actors themselves weren’t as well known as their characters? Anyway, I don’t think this incarnation of Steve Austin is nearly as exciting as the last one I featured!

Also, they have a name spelled wrong! “Jamie” is supposed to be “Jaime” – the i is on the wrong side of the m!

 

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Don’t Try to Strong Arm Me!

January 1978

The Secret Society of Super-Villains #12

You, too, can have strong arms with this “Amazing Motionless Exercise discovery”! Wait a minute – “Motionless Exercise”? Isn’t that an oxymoron? Unless you’re only exercising your brain power, how, exactly, do you exercise without moving?? I guess I’ll have to spend $3.98 if I want to find out!

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On the order form it says: “I must agree that the Dynaflex method has given me powerfully toned muscles, put full strength in my muscles, made me so strong that I can be proud to show my friends how strong I am.” How can they expect you to agree to something that can’t possibly have happened yet?!

Also, the book has a chapter on “SECRETS OF ATTRACTING GIRLS” – I’d just love to see what kind of advice they give!

 

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