In a Class(ified) of Their Own

August 1979

Shogun Warriors #7

Well, like most classifieds, we’ve got lots of comic lists and lots of stamps! And the award for least creative company name on this page goes to Comic Sales Company!

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I know I’ve voiced my concern before about sending live animals through the mail, but I still find it kind of weird that you can order seahorses by mail order – seems like it would be pretty treacherous for them!

Free Cash? Sign Me Up!

August 1979

Shogun Warriors #7

It’s another grab bag of classifieds! This time it’s mostly for comics retailers, with a few others mixed in.

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I like how understated the ones for conventions are – these days conventions are so overblown and crazy that it’s kind of refreshing to see something so simple. Though I have to admit that I was a bit surprised by the location of the “Southwest Comic Show” – I assumed it would be somewhere like Phoenix, Las Vegas, or maybe Albuquerque, but definitely did not expect Tulsa! I’ve never thought of Oklahoma as part of the Southwest – how about you?

Warp to the Comic Store!

December 1983

Star Wars: Return of the Jedi #3

Here we’ve got a classified page that’s (pretty much) full of comics. Here’s your chance to find all those back issues you’re looking for!

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The single non-comic ad here is for Mazewarps – “24 Challenging Videomaze Games in a Book.” I’m a bit confused by this – how can they be video if they’re in a book? Maybe it’s a book on how to program games on a computer? Any of you out there know what the deal with Mazewarps is?

I Heart (Foil Stamp) You!

January 1978

The Secret Society of Super-Villains #12

It’s another round of classifieds! There are a few interesting ones in here, but let’s start with “See Miracle of Birth.” First of all, those words seem very out of place in any comic book ad. Secondly, they’re advertising an incubator with bird eggs, but all of the emphasis is on watching the chicks hatch, with absolutely no mention whatsoever of the fact that you then have five or six (depending on which part of the ad you believe) little baby birds that need to be taken care of. Seems kind of irresponsible to me…

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In other ads, I like the “OWN A PIECE OF NEW MEXICO OIL COUNTRY”… based in Iowa. And I also like “ELIMINATE DEBTS!”… by sending 35¢ to some address in Ohio – I think the first step in eliminating debt would be to stop sending money to vague classified ads from comic books!

 

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That Information Is… CLASSIFIED!

January 1978

The Secret Society of Super-Villains #12

It’s been a while since I’ve done a classified page, so here you go! I’m actually kind of surprised to see X-Ray Spex in 1978 – for some reason I thought that was more of a ’50s/’60s thing (but apparently I was mistaken on that).

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I think probably my favorite “WTF” ad on this page is: “PARENTS bug you? Try Ego Power! Send $7 for instructions” – ummm… OK… With a (lack of) description like that, it makes me wonder if anybody actually took the bait! (And if any of you out there actually did, then please let me know what this is all about!)

 

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Don’t Use Your Karate Skills on the Seahorses!

February 1976

Claw The Unconquered #5

It’s another random grab bag of mini ads!

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The one that strikes me the most here is the one for live seahorses – they’ll send you two “freshly caught” mated pairs, with at least one pregnant. OK, I have two main thoughts on this:

  1. Sending live, pregnant seahorses through the mail seems like it would be prohibitively difficult/risky.
  2. Capturing seahorses from the wild and then sending them through the mail seems rather cruel… and seems like it should be illegal.

At least Sea Monkeys are in a type of suspended animation when they’re shipped, but live, conscious animals is a whole different story!

 

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Stamp of Approval

September 1963

X-Men #1

Stamp collecting must’ve been big in the ’60s – on this page of classifieds the entire first column is stamps, most of the second column is stamps, and there’s even one in the third column!

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Something I’m wondering about – “approvals” – anyone know what this refers to? It’s in most of the stamp ads – “10¢ to approval buyers,” “Write today for approvals,” “10¢ to approval applicants.” Any ideas, guys?

Anyway, the thing I find most intriguing in this ad is the personal radio – “no need for batteries or tubes – no need for electric ‘plug-in’ either – diode eliminates them all forever” – well, the diode needs to get power somehow, right? If it doesn’t use batteries and doesn’t plug in, then what is it – hand crank or something?

 

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Head of the Class

March 1985

G.I. Joe #33

Time for more classifieds – another grab bag of randomness! As always, we’ve got lots and lots of comics for sale, with a few other things thrown in too.

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My favorite things here? 1) The fact that they’re advertising a hypnosis program as a “mental survival kit,” and 2) The disclaimer on the brass knuckle belt buckle: “Novelty purposes only – not intended for other uses.” 😉

Classifieds – Helping You Become a Tall, Fat Accountant

December 1972

Jungle Action #2

So when I first read “Rover and men on the Moon,” I took “Rover” to be a dog’s name, and assumed that the book would be something insanely awesome and/or cheesy. Alas, I now realize that they probably mean the type of vehicle instead, which is still cool, but not nearly as odd/exciting for me.

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And I’m curious to know the secret behind “BE TALLER!” – unless they’re selling platform shoes, I kind of doubt the validity of their claim.

I also like the fact that there’s a classified ad that is advertising methods for writing classified ads – it’s so meta!

Put a Stamp on It!

December 1972

Jungle Action #2

Stamp collecting is a time-honored hobby, but apparently it was really big with comic book nerds in the ’70s, because the entire right column of this classifieds page is devoted to stamp collecting!

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I also like the “PLAY GUITAR IN 7 DAYS OR MONEY BACK” – sure, but it doesn’t say anything about how well you’ll be able to play guitar in that amount of time!

 

Do you enjoy reading Comic Book Ads? If so, please consider supporting me by clicking here for my Amazon link – I’ll get a percentage from everything you order! Thanks!