Don’t Use Your Karate Skills on the Seahorses!

February 1976

Claw The Unconquered #5

It’s another random grab bag of mini ads!

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The one that strikes me the most here is the one for live seahorses – they’ll send you two “freshly caught” mated pairs, with at least one pregnant. OK, I have two main thoughts on this:

  1. Sending live, pregnant seahorses through the mail seems like it would be prohibitively difficult/risky.
  2. Capturing seahorses from the wild and then sending them through the mail seems rather cruel… and seems like it should be illegal.

At least Sea Monkeys are in a type of suspended animation when they’re shipped, but live, conscious animals is a whole different story!

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Stamp of Approval

September 1963

X-Men #1

Stamp collecting must’ve been big in the ’60s – on this page of classifieds the entire first column is stamps, most of the second column is stamps, and there’s even one in the third column!

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Something I’m wondering about – “approvals” – anyone know what this refers to? It’s in most of the stamp ads – “10¢ to approval buyers,” “Write today for approvals,” “10¢ to approval applicants.” Any ideas, guys?

Anyway, the thing I find most intriguing in this ad is the personal radio – “no need for batteries or tubes – no need for electric ‘plug-in’ either – diode eliminates them all forever” – well, the diode needs to get power somehow, right? If it doesn’t use batteries and doesn’t plug in, then what is it – hand crank or something?

Head of the Class

March 1985

G.I. Joe #33

Time for more classifieds – another grab bag of randomness! As always, we’ve got lots and lots of comics for sale, with a few other things thrown in too.

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My favorite things here? 1) The fact that they’re advertising a hypnosis program as a “mental survival kit,” and 2) The disclaimer on the brass knuckle belt buckle: “Novelty purposes only – not intended for other uses.” 😉

Classifieds – Helping You Become a Tall, Fat Accountant

December 1972

Jungle Action #2

So when I first read “Rover and men on the Moon,” I took “Rover” to be a dog’s name, and assumed that the book would be something insanely awesome and/or cheesy. Alas, I now realize that they probably mean the type of vehicle instead, which is still cool, but not nearly as odd/exciting for me.

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And I’m curious to know the secret behind “BE TALLER!” – unless they’re selling platform shoes, I kind of doubt the validity of their claim.

I also like the fact that there’s a classified ad that is advertising methods for writing classified ads – it’s so meta!

Put a Stamp on It!

December 1972

Jungle Action #2

Stamp collecting is a time-honored hobby, but apparently it was really big with comic book nerds in the ’70s, because the entire right column of this classifieds page is devoted to stamp collecting!

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I also like the “PLAY GUITAR IN 7 DAYS OR MONEY BACK” – sure, but it doesn’t say anything about how well you’ll be able to play guitar in that amount of time!

Always Stay Classy

December 1972

Jungle Action #2

What can you find in the classifieds? What can’t you find in the classifieds?? In this installment we’ve got a pretty wide range of stuff.

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I think one of my favorites here is “PET BABY RACCOONS” – partially because I originally read that as a command, telling kids to go out, find baby raccoons, and pet them! Though the “HYPNOTIZE WITH ANY T.V. SET” is pretty intriguing too…

The Oh-So-Classy Classifieds

December 1989

Wonder Woman #37

Classifieds provide a smorgasbord  of cheesiness – they’re the cheapest advertising that money can buy in comics, meaning that they’re usually the lowest quality… which also means they can sometimes be the most entertaining!

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I think my favorite on here is the “Live Chameleon FREE!” ad (of course, the lizard is only free if you buy a six-month supply of food). Though the “!!GET ALL THE GIRLS!!  !!BECOME RICH & POPULAR!!  * ONLY $3.95 *” is pretty great – for only $3.95, how could you afford not to order??