Don’t Use Your Karate Skills on the Seahorses!

February 1976

Claw The Unconquered #5

It’s another random grab bag of mini ads!

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The one that strikes me the most here is the one for live seahorses – they’ll send you two “freshly caught” mated pairs, with at least one pregnant. OK, I have two main thoughts on this:

  1. Sending live, pregnant seahorses through the mail seems like it would be prohibitively difficult/risky.
  2. Capturing seahorses from the wild and then sending them through the mail seems rather cruel… and seems like it should be illegal.

At least Sea Monkeys are in a type of suspended animation when they’re shipped, but live, conscious animals is a whole different story!

Build Your Own GoBots!

March 1985

G.I. Joe #33

I used to have GoBots as a kid (in fact, I still have those GoBots!) – they were cool because they were the same size as Hot Wheels, so you could play with them with all your other cars!

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So when I first saw this ad, I initially thought it was for the standard GoBots toys, but apparently this is for models of the toys… kind of odd, but OK. It looks like they actually do transform, so I’m guessing the main difference is that you put these together yourself? Or maybe they’re more detailed than the regular toys? Not really sure on that.

Tough, Menacing Men of Action!

February 1976

Claw The Unconquered #5

“Nothing can stop the smashing assault of Big Jim’s P.A.C.K.”

Umm… do we need to get Spider-Man and the Power Pack back here so they can give us tips on preventing sexual abuse again? Because that’s kind of where it sounds like this is heading!

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I think they’re stretching it a bit with the acronym – “Professional Agents/Crime Killers” – so… they kill… crime? And while I can see how Dr. Steel’s steel hand could come in handy (Ha! Handy!) in battle, that can’t be the best possible prosthetic for everyday use – just think how impractical something like that would be!

It’s a Sure Thing!

February 1976

Claw The Unconquered #5

Personally, I don’t know a whole lot about flying remote control planes, but judging by this, I’m going to assume that they’re generally rather challenging. Well, no more! Because Cox now makes planes with Automatic Pilot!

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With Sure Flyers™ you’ve got the choice of Auto Pilot or Hand Control, so it’s easy for beginners! Sounds like a winner to me!

Head of the Class

March 1985

G.I. Joe #33

Time for more classifieds – another grab bag of randomness! As always, we’ve got lots and lots of comics for sale, with a few other things thrown in too.

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My favorite things here? 1) The fact that they’re advertising a hypnosis program as a “mental survival kit,” and 2) The disclaimer on the brass knuckle belt buckle: “Novelty purposes only – not intended for other uses.” 😉

No Match for These Cars!

February 1976

Claw The Unconquered #5

It doesn’t get much more classic than toy cars, and Matchbox cars are some of the most classic ones out there!

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These remind me of the ones I had as a kid (which are currently packed in the garage, for lack of a good place to display them). This ad kind of makes me want to get them out and play with them again!

Let’s Hope He Doesn’t Cost $6 Million

February 1976

Claw The Unconquered #5

If you’re looking for bionic action, you’ve come to the right place! Bionic arm, bionic eye, bionic transport, bionic medical center, Bionic Action Club – “ALL THE ‘BIONIC’ ACTION!”

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It looks like Colonel Steve Austin’s got it all… except the Bionic Woman, I guess.